I've lost them both...the one that I could care less about and the one that I would die to lose.
I've messed everything up with each little evil manipulative plan I made. In the back of my head I knew what was going to happen but didn't think it would happen so soon. I can't believe that I am where I'm at right now. I have no one at this point. I keep trying to hang out with close friends that have back stabbed me one to many times. They are no one I can trust. The only person who knows anything it Alicia who I don't hang out with because she and I are completely different when it comes to opinions on what makes a good time.
This is the reality. I have no guy in my life.

One just went away while the other I demolished without another thought.
I've realized God has intervened because I feel numb. I don't really care that either left. Though I would really love to be with Max at this point I feel like we both proved ourselves who we are and where we are at at this point. That place is not good for neither of us.
I could be living in guilt or shame but I feel there's no point. Life must go on. They apparently weren't meant to stay long in my life other wise they would be continuing in contacting me. All plans aside I'm going to try and live like they were never apart of it.

I'd like to get a new number so only so many people can reach me. I'm done with a majority of my past.
I just hope it stays this way and I don't do anything rash these next couple months. I should try to keep myself busy.
I don't think reality has kicked in yet. I am doing abnormally well for being rejected not once but twice!

Breathe.