Something must have made you so mad, what can I do to make you say "come back to me"
I'll be here in the morning if you say stay, if you say stay to me

I keep listening to Safetysuit "Stay" I can cry all day listening to this song. I don't know what it is but it just touches my heart. I use to think of Max when we were talking while I was cleaning beds at work. I saw the music video for it just this past weekend and I'm UGH I WANNA CRY so that's what I've been doing these past couple days.
I know it's sad an pathetic but I'm heart broken.
It's going to be two weeks tomorrow since I've last talked to him but only because I stopped by while he was sleeping. I've stopped praying altogether really besides praying for protection over certain people and talking with God here and there I'm not standing in faith like I use too. It's hard and I don't even know if God even approves of what I want. I've been in this situation before where I've wanted something so bad and stood for so long believing and here I come to find out it's nothing that God wanted for me. I realize He wants and has the best for us but that was so hard to take in. I stood for so long and it's not like something better came along from what I was asking for but it was more the realization God has something better. That was two years ago! So much has gone down since then. I don't get it I seriously feel like God is picking on me. It's like I have to be perfect to get anything in this life. I'm not perfect I'm far from it! I'm a sinner I sin left and right day and night. I can't be anything He wants me to be. I hear songs of how it doesn't matter where we are at He'll take us in yes but sooner or later you are expecting us to reach that. The bar is set too high. I want to let go of it all and NOT CARE! I hate caring because then it brings all these unnecessary feelings. I can't breath nor can I think without tears filling my eyes.

When is this going to be over? Everything in my life feels blessed but this part. What am I suppose to get? What am I not understanding? Please SHOW ME!!!